While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
