I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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