he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Life is so much better after having sex.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're like the curious george of whores
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
