I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize