what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wish my penis had a tongue
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
