im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
