Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
