Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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