You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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