I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
