I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sobbing to NWA
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize