Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
