I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
