I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
