why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
