Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
