I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
