I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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