Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
