when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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