If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i dont even know how to be here
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
