I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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