the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
