is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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