what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
