I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize