I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
