Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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