the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
