I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
