its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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