Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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