It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
