I just threw up on my dentist
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
