I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
