I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
