just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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