i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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