Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize