Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
