maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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