my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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