The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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