Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
