when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
