Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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