p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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