The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
