Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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