i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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