saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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