it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
