the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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