My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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