YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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