Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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