hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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