oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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