if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
not ubering you a puppy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
