We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
