We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
