trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
