Can i not drive my cunt home
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
