hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
