Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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