Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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