is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
