I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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