Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize