I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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