My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
